2014/05/04

It’s the second day of our second break up. I’m confused and, broken. This is my first (second actually. last time was our first break up) heartbroken after my best friend died, which means in 6 years. It’s odd how I reacted to all these things. How I reacted to my broken heart.

I feel very busy. Even though really I have nothing to do, I’m bored as fuck but I feel busy. And I feel so calm. That’s where I got confused. I’m not supposed to feel calm? I should… I should go yell and cry and jump around and tell everyone I’m not ok. Instead, I just sit in my bedroom listening to the song “Queen of the Underground” over and over again, tears rolling down my face but I barely feel any sadness. I feel, hollow. Hollow it’s the word. I probably felt hollow and I thought it’s calm.

Norman complained my car smells like your house. Because it smells like “cigarets and sadness”. But um, weather Charlie smells like your house or not, I like that description. “Cigarets and sadness”. I am a not very pleasant person. I always know it. I tried so hard to cover the real one up with a mask full of lies like manners, good words and smiles and stuffs. Then I have trust issues. I’m afraid when people see the real me they’ll abandon me. Because I’m such an unpleasant person :/

Don’t watch spiderman 2. It’s sad.

May the 4th be with you, my friends.

2014/04/18

  Speaking about my bad temper, we need a solution. And I think I need to correct you, “jealous girl you are.”. I’m not jealous, apparently there are girls I like, girls I’m ok with, and girls I, DISLIKE. If you have to make me give you a name list or something, tell me.

  I finished my chem. I’m going to buy after pill tomorrow morning. 

  You have a nice trip while I stay in White Rock puking and stuff. That’s sarcasm. It supposed to be funny.

  Don’t feel bad.

  Enjoy your trip. Have fun.